Fwd, Fwd//I Can't Leave
A poem I wrote on 12/16/22 reflecting on why I couldn't leave my boyfriend at the time who kept trying to break up with me over some dumb shit. I blame my ego.
There’s no going back
We keep pushing
forward, forward
too fast
then stop.
fwd, fwd
too fast!
then stop.
fwd, fwd
too fast
then stop.
I can’t get off
even if I wanted too
It’s packed in here
not too packed
but JUST enough
It’s heavy
the weight of it all
is inescapable
it’s fills the air of each car
flowing in & out the doors as they
open & close
making room
& filling space
Except me
I’m in so deep
it feels like
they won’t let me off
like I fell asleep and missed my stop
walking car to car reintroducing myself
tap dancing like a fool
doing tricks on the bars
begging for attention
meeting different versions
of you
They tried to wake me up but I ignored them
I didn’t want to get off
I had to keep going
I had to say at least I tried
to see what’s at the end of this line
I don’t want to stop because
I can’t
I can’t leave when the train keeps going
fwd, fwd, forward, forward…